Hey o! I am trying to write a little bit errday. And for some reason it seems like a good idea to share a bit with you. Let me know if this gets annoying, please.
Today is Sunday, and we started the morning off with a power outage (a regular Sunday adventure, it seems). It happened right as I was getting ready to fix my hair, and it came back on as we were walking out to get into the car for church. I ran inside and fixed my hair and luckily, Paul was being a slowpoke this morning and no one was waiting on me any longer than they were waiting on him. I was proud of my sneakiness. :)
Church at Agape is always interesting. It's geared towards kids, and so most of the time, I have to dig for something to really get out of it, and that is not to say that John and Morris are not incredibly intelligent men of God. They totally are. But it just takes some getting used to, I guess. Today we talked with the kids about being a light to our families and friends, and when we are born again, we are no longer who were, but God lives in us, so it's a new life through Him. It was pretty cool. Morris had a box that was wrapped with white paper and it said "Salvation" on it. He called Kennedy up and he unwrapped the box and was explaining that when you become saved, you get all of this good stuff. Inside the box were some cookies, some candy, and some kind of fruit or something, all of which were for Kennedy. The kids LOVED LOVED LOVED it. And we loved that they loved it. :) Morris does a great job bringing the stuff to a kid's level. He is the shyest person I've ever met, to the point where he almost comes across as rude. But you get up him at church on Sunday and he's AMAZING. I love listening to what he has to say. He's good people.
After church we did some socializing with the boys and then we went to lunch at Kiboko Bay. My food was not that great, so I was kind of disappointed, and I'm pretty whooped from yesterday so I've been kind of cranky all day. But Paul and I decided to go see a movie, since I didn't get him anything for his birthday, I treated him to a movie. There's a theater at Nakumatt and I bought two movie tickets, two sodas and a thing of popcorn and it was 600 shillings. That comes out to like $8. Maybe. I'm still not great with the money-math. Haha. But we saw the new Xmen movie. (it's new to Kenya, okay?) I surprisingly really really enjoyed it. I'm a fan of the Xmen movies. And I'm a fan of Hugh Jackman. Mostly I'm a fan of the way Hugh Jackman looks. :) But overall it was a cool movie, and Paul enjoyed it. So it was a good time.
We took a tuk-tuk home. A tuk-tuk (pronounced TOOOOOOOOOK TOOOOOOK. You can yell it if you want, I just wanted to make sure you know it's an OOOO sound. We don't want you mispronouncing these things, do we?) is like a cracked out golf cart. It has three wheels. Sometimes the roof is a tarp. And the steering wheel looks like a set of handlebars from a bicycle. Ours did not have a door that closed, and I almost lost a shoe. Anyway, it was only 100 shillings, which is a little over a dollar. Well worth the ride, and definitely an experience. Paul even took a picture and some video. I'll have to post it later.
I came home and thought about taking a nap. But when it's almost 6pm, taking a nap just ruins everything. And plus the power went out AGAIN. At this point we all just laugh about it. It gives us a chance to turn off our computers and just TALK to each other.. haha. Then we went to dinner at the Imperial Hotel. Apparently they have very good steaks. I don't like steak. So I had a pizza that was really just Mexican food in a circle. I am going to have to pay for that later, and so is Shelly, I'm sure. She's my roommate tonight, and I've already asked for forgiveness.
Anyway, I'm pretty dang tired. Tomorrow I go back to work in the office, working on the database. Not the most fun of jobs, but whatever I do, I do it for the Lord, right? So.. Hooray. Or something.
Say prayers for Jo and Tommy as they are in Cambodia ministering to orphans. I had a chance to talk to Jo for about 4.3 seconds today via facebook (which is always an adventure) but at least I know she is alive.
Also, I wanted to share a story very quickly. A few weeks ago, John and I were working on the database. John (same John mentioned earlier in this note) is in charge of Reintegration at Agape. His job and passion is to get the boys back in their homes with their families. The team goes out and meets with the family, shares the gospel, provides counseling, and tries to heal all of the brokenness that exists in these homes around here. John is really good people, and he is absolutely AMAZING with the kids. Anyway, a few weeks ago we were looking through files and I came across a file of a boy who had been kidnapped from his home and sold into human trafficking. He got all the way to the border of Tanzania until he was rescued by the Red Cross. They brought him and a few other boys to Agape for temporary care until they could get back home. I asked John if that happens a lot around here, human trafficking. He got big tears in his eyes and I knew what it meant. It breaks my heart. For real. We talk about this stuff back home but for some reason, it hits much harder when you see these kids and all of the struggles they go through. I know that life is not fair, but this really IS. NOT. FAIR. People don't belong to anyone, and it's ridiculous that someone can sell a little boy for sex slavery. I hate it so much, with everything in my being. But I know that God is in control of all things, and I see Jesus in people like John, who fight on the front lines everyday for these beautiful boys.
Anyway. Love and miss you all. Thank you for reading.
Riss
22 June 2009
Just felt like writing about the past few days...
Bum Bum Bee Dum, Bum Bum Bee Dum Dum (that's from "Disturbia" by Rihanna. I hope it's stuck in your head the way it's been stuck in mine ALL. DAY. LONG.)
Well it's almost 10pm and I'm waiting for my doxycyline pill to kick in or whatever (I take it at night, and I have to take it at least an hour before bed.) I wanted to take some time to write about the past few days, because they've been interesting and completely different from my normal days here. I am beginning to understand the difference between coming here with a team and coming here on your own to live here for 5 months. I'll just say right now there is a HUGE, GIGANTIC, GINORMOUS DIFFERENCE.
I say all of this because there is a team here visiting. They arrived last Sunday and are staying until Wednesday-ish. One of the folks hanging out with us is Shelly, who works at the Agape office in Modesto. She's here with her boyfriend, Cody. Then there's Phil, Sue, and Paula. Phil and Sue just got married like a year and a half ago, and are both over 50. Phil is a college professor. And Paula is the principal of a school, so the three of them came to Kenya to work with the teaching staff at Agape. I think they have been a big help. But it's also nice to hang out with some Americans. It feels like a bit of home, you know?
Wednesday, we went to the Drop-in Center. The Drop-in Center happens on Wednesdays, and it's a place for street kids to come and get a meal, hear a message, and maybe bathe. It's absolute chaos, and it's terrifying and challenging and something that most days I would rather NOT do. But I know that those kids need Jesus the way I do, and if God tells me to go, I'm gonna get going. I should probably tell you that the first time I went to outreach, I FREAKED out. I walked inside and cried because I was so overwhelmed. This past Wednesday was my third time, and I was much braver. I stepped out of the van and walked right up to the boys and started giving high fives and introducing myself and learning names. I pulled out my camera and the boys started modeling, and doing crazy stunts to be photographed. It was wicked fun. Then one of the boys, Evans, said he wanted to talk to me. So we sat down. He was really, really high. And he told me he wanted to go to school. So I told him to go to school. He said he couldn't because he lived on the street. I told him that he lives on the street because it's HIS choice. There are so many organizations that want to help street kids. But street kids don't want to help street kids. That's why they run away and get high and steal and prostitute themselves. It does not make any sense to me and it makes me angry when these kids beg ME for things when they have the opportunity to change for the better and THEY DON'T WANT TO. So, anyway, Evans told me he wanted to go to school. I asked him if he sniffed glue. He said no. I told him he could be honest with me. He said he didn't sniff glue. I said, Evans, I know you are high right now, so don't lie to me. And he looked at me and said, "I don't sniff glue." I told him that I couldn't help him if he didn't want to help himself. I told him that God wants to help him, but he had to let God help him. And that God wants him to stop getting high, and God wants him to have a home and go to school and that God really wants him to succeed and live a long life. But living on the street and stealing and getting high goes against what God wants. There was a day when I wouldn't have been brave enough to be that honest with someone. I'm not sure if it was the right thing to say. But I know it was the truth, and I don't regret it. I know that God will speak through me if I let him, and I feel like He did that day. This is part of why it's so hard to be here. I wish I could explain it better. But being here is not easy. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. But it is BY FAR the best thing I have ever done. I almost feel like it's not fair to be here, to be doing something that I love doing, that I am GOOD at. STOKED.
On Thursday, we did all of the tourist-y things. Mike and Karen flew to Nairobi for the day to (attempt to) work some stuff out with Paul's adoption. So I was with the visitors. We went to Agape for a little bit in the morning, and then went shopping. Shopping is such an experience here. First we went to Pendeza Weavers. It's a shop that does all of its weaving by hand, from picking the cotton, to spinning it on the looms, to weaving it into table cloths and napkins and blankets and all kinds of good stuff. I bought a really cute purse and some other goodies for some friends back home who are getting married in less than 50 days. Just sayin'. I also picked up a table runner for my momma. I'll definitely be going back before I leave in September. Their stuff is absolutely beautiful. It's a really cool place.
After Pendeza, we drove to Nakumatt (like Wal-Mart) for some reason that I can't remember. Then we went to the shops where you can buy all of the souvenir-type things around here. It was pretty cool because I got to bargain with the shopkeepers. I picked up some pretty cool stuff, and I am very proud of my choices. But I'm more proud that I shaved off over $30 overall. It's strange to me how people try to persuade you to buy things. One of the shops was run by a woman who had a baby on her back. She kept saying, Please buy from me so I can buy my baby lunch. That's always hard for me, because you never know who is telling the truth or not. I told her that I was very sorry, but that she didn't have anything I wanted to buy. But it breaks my heart, you know? You just want to be able to help people, but it's hard because sometimes you think you are doing good things, but you are really just feeding a disease. You are buying into the drug use, and the stealing and cheating a lying and that's always hard for me. I honestly worry about becoming a cynic, becoming jaded and hard-hearted. Maybe I need more compassion. I guess that's something I need to work out with God.
Then we went to lunch at Kiboko Bay. It's my favorite restaurant here. It's right on Lake Victoria (which honestly looks like an ocean, it's THAT big), and it was beautiful in the middle of the afternoon. Then we drove to the Equator. I have to tell you, the Equator is a HUGE letdown. But at this point, it's funny. It's just a statue of a ball that says "Equator" on it. You could drive right by it if you weren't paying attention, haha. But it's definitely worth the 45 minute drive to stand there for 20 seconds and take a picture or two. Yep. We went and hung out at Agape again when we got back into town. I have to be honest with you, I had such trouble being at Agape at first. But for whatever reason, a few weeks ago, everything just CLICKED for me. And now, I can't get enough of it. I love those boys with my whole friggin' heart. One of the boys, Michael, decided that he didn't want me to know his name. So I just decided to call him, "Nyo-yo." (not quite sure on the spelling, but it's the name of a food here. Beans and Corn.) So then he called me "Mutumbu." I just found out that means "intestines." We are good friends now. :)
The next day (Friday) the team drove out to Motoso where "The Farm" is located. It's like a 5 hour drive, and I've already been, so I decided to stay home for the day with Karen. (The Farm, by the way, is Agape's vocational school. The boys that don't really thrive at school can go to the Farm and learn trades like mechanics and masonry. It's a really great thing they've got going on there.) I was home all day, and all I did was write. It was great, I'm not going to lie. I'm writing a lot here. I love it. Then last night we went to dinner and I had mosquitos flying above my head all night, which I always hate. I had a new drink, it was a pineapple soda, and it's AS good as a Stoney, not going to lie.
Today is Saturday. We had Paul's birthday party here at the house today. I guess this is the second time that Paul has celebrated his birthday (he's 13 this year) and so we had 24 kids over at the house today. Our day started with a nice trip to Nakumatt, and then a mad dash to try and set up for this party. The kids were great sports, they did a three-legged race relay and, randomly started doing karaoke and having a dance party. It was great. And Karen made a pretty bomb cake, not gonna lie. I had to iron some sheets to use as the projector for a movie night at Agape. And then we went out to dinner. That was great, because a couple of the boys from Agape came with us. They are kind enough to teach me bits of Kiswahili here and there. And they laugh at my jokes. And they don't make fun of me for being the dumbest, whitest person around here. So I dig it. We sang Rihanna in the back of the truck on the way to Agape for movie night.
We got to Agape at around 6:30 for movie night in the dining hall. You cram almost 70 teenage Kenyan boys into a small room and it's bound to be a hot stinky mess of hot stink. We watched "Evan Almighty" and Shelly had bought the boys soda and popcorn and some candy and it was a great night. I love that the kids think Steve Carrell is funny. When those kids laugh, they LAUGH. I mean, it's ridiculous. And awesome. It's the kind of laughing that makes me laugh at their laughter, you know what I mean? Just so much fun. And then we kind of sat with the kids after the film and talked about it, and a couple of the boys, Caleb and Vincent (I think, you can correct me on that one), got up and said thank you for the movie and the goodies and how blessed they were and that they wanted God to bless us. That always gets me. Some kids don't mean it. But I know that those two did. They are good kids.
I love how Godly these boys are. You spend time at the Outreach center for street kids and you see how far these boys have come at Agape. You can just SEE it. I wish I could explain it more eloquently. I wish that you could see it for yourself, actually, if I'm wishing for things. This is how I know that God is real, and that God is love and mercy. Because He blesses us with a reason to change. And I am blessed enough to be able to see that change. To be a part of that change. I really do love those kids. I don't know all of their names, and I don't know them as well as I could, but I adore them.
So, it's a good day today. Sorry for the really long note. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I should also tell you that an organization called "Faceless International" that I support is taking two teams to India in January for 10 days. Should I stay or should I go? I've been bitten by the mission bug, haha. If you get time and remember, could you say some prayers for me? I'd love some guidance and clarity for the future. And say some prayers for the boys at Agape. They are great, but there are some that are just hurting. I am sure I will write more about them later, as they have pretty much stolen my heart. :)
Love and miss you all very much.
Riss (Bum Bum Bee Dum, Bum Bum Bee Dum Dum. Now I can officially go to bed.)
Well it's almost 10pm and I'm waiting for my doxycyline pill to kick in or whatever (I take it at night, and I have to take it at least an hour before bed.) I wanted to take some time to write about the past few days, because they've been interesting and completely different from my normal days here. I am beginning to understand the difference between coming here with a team and coming here on your own to live here for 5 months. I'll just say right now there is a HUGE, GIGANTIC, GINORMOUS DIFFERENCE.
I say all of this because there is a team here visiting. They arrived last Sunday and are staying until Wednesday-ish. One of the folks hanging out with us is Shelly, who works at the Agape office in Modesto. She's here with her boyfriend, Cody. Then there's Phil, Sue, and Paula. Phil and Sue just got married like a year and a half ago, and are both over 50. Phil is a college professor. And Paula is the principal of a school, so the three of them came to Kenya to work with the teaching staff at Agape. I think they have been a big help. But it's also nice to hang out with some Americans. It feels like a bit of home, you know?
Wednesday, we went to the Drop-in Center. The Drop-in Center happens on Wednesdays, and it's a place for street kids to come and get a meal, hear a message, and maybe bathe. It's absolute chaos, and it's terrifying and challenging and something that most days I would rather NOT do. But I know that those kids need Jesus the way I do, and if God tells me to go, I'm gonna get going. I should probably tell you that the first time I went to outreach, I FREAKED out. I walked inside and cried because I was so overwhelmed. This past Wednesday was my third time, and I was much braver. I stepped out of the van and walked right up to the boys and started giving high fives and introducing myself and learning names. I pulled out my camera and the boys started modeling, and doing crazy stunts to be photographed. It was wicked fun. Then one of the boys, Evans, said he wanted to talk to me. So we sat down. He was really, really high. And he told me he wanted to go to school. So I told him to go to school. He said he couldn't because he lived on the street. I told him that he lives on the street because it's HIS choice. There are so many organizations that want to help street kids. But street kids don't want to help street kids. That's why they run away and get high and steal and prostitute themselves. It does not make any sense to me and it makes me angry when these kids beg ME for things when they have the opportunity to change for the better and THEY DON'T WANT TO. So, anyway, Evans told me he wanted to go to school. I asked him if he sniffed glue. He said no. I told him he could be honest with me. He said he didn't sniff glue. I said, Evans, I know you are high right now, so don't lie to me. And he looked at me and said, "I don't sniff glue." I told him that I couldn't help him if he didn't want to help himself. I told him that God wants to help him, but he had to let God help him. And that God wants him to stop getting high, and God wants him to have a home and go to school and that God really wants him to succeed and live a long life. But living on the street and stealing and getting high goes against what God wants. There was a day when I wouldn't have been brave enough to be that honest with someone. I'm not sure if it was the right thing to say. But I know it was the truth, and I don't regret it. I know that God will speak through me if I let him, and I feel like He did that day. This is part of why it's so hard to be here. I wish I could explain it better. But being here is not easy. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. But it is BY FAR the best thing I have ever done. I almost feel like it's not fair to be here, to be doing something that I love doing, that I am GOOD at. STOKED.
On Thursday, we did all of the tourist-y things. Mike and Karen flew to Nairobi for the day to (attempt to) work some stuff out with Paul's adoption. So I was with the visitors. We went to Agape for a little bit in the morning, and then went shopping. Shopping is such an experience here. First we went to Pendeza Weavers. It's a shop that does all of its weaving by hand, from picking the cotton, to spinning it on the looms, to weaving it into table cloths and napkins and blankets and all kinds of good stuff. I bought a really cute purse and some other goodies for some friends back home who are getting married in less than 50 days. Just sayin'. I also picked up a table runner for my momma. I'll definitely be going back before I leave in September. Their stuff is absolutely beautiful. It's a really cool place.
After Pendeza, we drove to Nakumatt (like Wal-Mart) for some reason that I can't remember. Then we went to the shops where you can buy all of the souvenir-type things around here. It was pretty cool because I got to bargain with the shopkeepers. I picked up some pretty cool stuff, and I am very proud of my choices. But I'm more proud that I shaved off over $30 overall. It's strange to me how people try to persuade you to buy things. One of the shops was run by a woman who had a baby on her back. She kept saying, Please buy from me so I can buy my baby lunch. That's always hard for me, because you never know who is telling the truth or not. I told her that I was very sorry, but that she didn't have anything I wanted to buy. But it breaks my heart, you know? You just want to be able to help people, but it's hard because sometimes you think you are doing good things, but you are really just feeding a disease. You are buying into the drug use, and the stealing and cheating a lying and that's always hard for me. I honestly worry about becoming a cynic, becoming jaded and hard-hearted. Maybe I need more compassion. I guess that's something I need to work out with God.
Then we went to lunch at Kiboko Bay. It's my favorite restaurant here. It's right on Lake Victoria (which honestly looks like an ocean, it's THAT big), and it was beautiful in the middle of the afternoon. Then we drove to the Equator. I have to tell you, the Equator is a HUGE letdown. But at this point, it's funny. It's just a statue of a ball that says "Equator" on it. You could drive right by it if you weren't paying attention, haha. But it's definitely worth the 45 minute drive to stand there for 20 seconds and take a picture or two. Yep. We went and hung out at Agape again when we got back into town. I have to be honest with you, I had such trouble being at Agape at first. But for whatever reason, a few weeks ago, everything just CLICKED for me. And now, I can't get enough of it. I love those boys with my whole friggin' heart. One of the boys, Michael, decided that he didn't want me to know his name. So I just decided to call him, "Nyo-yo." (not quite sure on the spelling, but it's the name of a food here. Beans and Corn.) So then he called me "Mutumbu." I just found out that means "intestines." We are good friends now. :)
The next day (Friday) the team drove out to Motoso where "The Farm" is located. It's like a 5 hour drive, and I've already been, so I decided to stay home for the day with Karen. (The Farm, by the way, is Agape's vocational school. The boys that don't really thrive at school can go to the Farm and learn trades like mechanics and masonry. It's a really great thing they've got going on there.) I was home all day, and all I did was write. It was great, I'm not going to lie. I'm writing a lot here. I love it. Then last night we went to dinner and I had mosquitos flying above my head all night, which I always hate. I had a new drink, it was a pineapple soda, and it's AS good as a Stoney, not going to lie.
Today is Saturday. We had Paul's birthday party here at the house today. I guess this is the second time that Paul has celebrated his birthday (he's 13 this year) and so we had 24 kids over at the house today. Our day started with a nice trip to Nakumatt, and then a mad dash to try and set up for this party. The kids were great sports, they did a three-legged race relay and, randomly started doing karaoke and having a dance party. It was great. And Karen made a pretty bomb cake, not gonna lie. I had to iron some sheets to use as the projector for a movie night at Agape. And then we went out to dinner. That was great, because a couple of the boys from Agape came with us. They are kind enough to teach me bits of Kiswahili here and there. And they laugh at my jokes. And they don't make fun of me for being the dumbest, whitest person around here. So I dig it. We sang Rihanna in the back of the truck on the way to Agape for movie night.
We got to Agape at around 6:30 for movie night in the dining hall. You cram almost 70 teenage Kenyan boys into a small room and it's bound to be a hot stinky mess of hot stink. We watched "Evan Almighty" and Shelly had bought the boys soda and popcorn and some candy and it was a great night. I love that the kids think Steve Carrell is funny. When those kids laugh, they LAUGH. I mean, it's ridiculous. And awesome. It's the kind of laughing that makes me laugh at their laughter, you know what I mean? Just so much fun. And then we kind of sat with the kids after the film and talked about it, and a couple of the boys, Caleb and Vincent (I think, you can correct me on that one), got up and said thank you for the movie and the goodies and how blessed they were and that they wanted God to bless us. That always gets me. Some kids don't mean it. But I know that those two did. They are good kids.
I love how Godly these boys are. You spend time at the Outreach center for street kids and you see how far these boys have come at Agape. You can just SEE it. I wish I could explain it more eloquently. I wish that you could see it for yourself, actually, if I'm wishing for things. This is how I know that God is real, and that God is love and mercy. Because He blesses us with a reason to change. And I am blessed enough to be able to see that change. To be a part of that change. I really do love those kids. I don't know all of their names, and I don't know them as well as I could, but I adore them.
So, it's a good day today. Sorry for the really long note. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I should also tell you that an organization called "Faceless International" that I support is taking two teams to India in January for 10 days. Should I stay or should I go? I've been bitten by the mission bug, haha. If you get time and remember, could you say some prayers for me? I'd love some guidance and clarity for the future. And say some prayers for the boys at Agape. They are great, but there are some that are just hurting. I am sure I will write more about them later, as they have pretty much stolen my heart. :)
Love and miss you all very much.
Riss (Bum Bum Bee Dum, Bum Bum Bee Dum Dum. Now I can officially go to bed.)
07 June 2009
To Kenya, With Love
"But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13 (The Message)
One of my favorite Canadian ladies, Paulette (granted, I don't really know many Canadians, but I'd like to think that I would enjoy Paulette's company just because she is that cool) said something pretty profound last week. Her and her husband, Bob, have been missionaries since... I don't know, forever. I want to say like 16 years or something. They came and visited Kisumu last week. I think they are Canadian, but they don't say "Eh?" all the time so I think they might be faking their Canadian-ism. I like Paulette because she is smart and she doesn't talk down to me and she always asks me how I am doing and I think she really wants to know. She's good people.
Paulette said something along the lines of, "People get all freaked out and upset when they see kids running around here with no shoes. Who cares? We should be more worried about the fact that these kids are dying because they have no food, or because they can't afford medication and doctor's visits."
You might not think this is profound. But you are not writing this blog. Bear with me. Let's see where this goes.
One of the first things that was shared with me when I got here was the story about the man and the well. A man came here and saw these women walking miles and miles to the lake everyday for water for their household. I don't know about you, but buckets of water can be pretty heavy. Not a fun job. So this man decided he was going to build a well in the city, where everyone could get water and the women wouldn't have to walk as far everyday. He came back sometime later to realize that the well was not being used. I guess he threw a fit or something (I would) and asked, "Why is no one using the well?" The women replied, "You never asked us if we wanted a well. Our daily walks to the lake are the only time we get to fellowship with other women. It's the only time we get to ourselves. We LIKE walking to the lake everyday."
The American in me looks around at these homes and at these people and I think "We should buy them new shoes, or a new mattress or new clothes or this or that." MATERIAL THINGS. Because I think that is what they need. I want to fix things for them, my way, the way I fix things in America. I can't imagine going to school with no shoes. But I also have, like, 20 pairs of shoes to choose from. We sit here and think of ways that we should help, and we end up making it worse. I think that when you come to places like this, it is so important to submerse yourself in the culture, and understand the real problems here. Yes, the boys have crappy shoes. Yes, they have holes in their clothing. But we should be more concerned with getting them off drugs, getting them back into their homes with their families, getting them healthy, keeping them in school, and getting them educated so they have a chance at a better life. We need to teach them to rely on God and not on money, or themselves, or even the white people. That's the hardest part. You have to look beyond yourself, EVERYDAY, to see what these people REALLY need. Not what we think they need. You have to look at everyone through God's eyes.
I can be a cynic sometimes. I can be fearful and hurtful and guarded. God brought me here. And I think everything in me is all kind of changing. We can talk about being compassionate and loving and whatever, but what are we really doing? Are we loving in our sense of the word? Or are we loving the way God loves, the kind of love that sees the big picture, the whole truth, and may hurt a little at first but (in the words of Monk), "You'll thank me later" for it? Sometimes I try to say the things that I think kids want to hear. You can't do that here. It's too important. Too many lives are at stake. This isn't like America where education is free and our young people are encouraged to chase their dreams of rocket science or music or art or medicine. Generally, the education here is NOT free. You have to pay school fees/uniform fees. And generally, parents want their kids working, not in school. Kenya does not value education for young people. Parents don't really encourage their kids to get an education (unless it going to school doubles as baby-sitting.) It breaks my heart that this country barely give kids a chance. This is why I really love organizations like, "To Kenya, With Love." My favorite British people work there (Not that I know a lot of British people. But these guys are lovely). This organization helps kids with school fees and uniform fees. They counsel kids and help KEEP THEM IN SCHOOL.
And that is SO important.
Agape is doing great work as well, reintegrating kids back into their homes so they can function and have normal lives. It's about healing the wounds and dealing with baggage and as difficult and awkward that it might be, that's the best thing that we can do for these kids. (Just to clarify, if the situation at home is unsafe/unstable, Agape doesn't try to get them to stay home. This is just for the kids who CAN go home.) It would be nice to stand here and rattle off statistics about how many kids live at Agape and how great we are for helping. But what are those numbers for? Who benefits from those numbers? Not God. Not those kids. That's the real love that I am talking about. The difficult love. The love that remains even when we leave Kenya. That's the kind of mark I want to leave behind. Not a mark that says, "Marissa was here." A mark that says, "God IS here."
"And the best of the three is love." I read some commentary for 1 Corinthians 13 the other day. It says this: "Love is the root of the other two. Faith and hope are purely human. Love is divine."
I've had a lot of people asking how they can help. That is great. You can donate to places like Agape, or To Kenya, With Love. You can donate things like Bibles in Kiswahili, materials for classrooms, help pay for school fees for kids, or you can donate money to these organizations and they can figure out what to do with it. You can also donate to other organizations, however you see fit. There are great and Godly people doing amazing work for God everywhere, everyday. I ask that you pray about it. See where God is leading you. And follow through.
There is much work to be done here. Greater things have yet to come.
Love and miss you all. Be well.
Riss
For more information on these organizations, or to donate, you can visit these sites:
www.agapechildren.org (Agape Children's Ministry)
www.tkwl.org.uk (To Kenya, With Love)
Also, check out Blood:Water Mission. Because contrary to what I said about wells, some places around here actually NEED clean water. www.bloodwatermission.com
One of my favorite Canadian ladies, Paulette (granted, I don't really know many Canadians, but I'd like to think that I would enjoy Paulette's company just because she is that cool) said something pretty profound last week. Her and her husband, Bob, have been missionaries since... I don't know, forever. I want to say like 16 years or something. They came and visited Kisumu last week. I think they are Canadian, but they don't say "Eh?" all the time so I think they might be faking their Canadian-ism. I like Paulette because she is smart and she doesn't talk down to me and she always asks me how I am doing and I think she really wants to know. She's good people.
Paulette said something along the lines of, "People get all freaked out and upset when they see kids running around here with no shoes. Who cares? We should be more worried about the fact that these kids are dying because they have no food, or because they can't afford medication and doctor's visits."
You might not think this is profound. But you are not writing this blog. Bear with me. Let's see where this goes.
One of the first things that was shared with me when I got here was the story about the man and the well. A man came here and saw these women walking miles and miles to the lake everyday for water for their household. I don't know about you, but buckets of water can be pretty heavy. Not a fun job. So this man decided he was going to build a well in the city, where everyone could get water and the women wouldn't have to walk as far everyday. He came back sometime later to realize that the well was not being used. I guess he threw a fit or something (I would) and asked, "Why is no one using the well?" The women replied, "You never asked us if we wanted a well. Our daily walks to the lake are the only time we get to fellowship with other women. It's the only time we get to ourselves. We LIKE walking to the lake everyday."
The American in me looks around at these homes and at these people and I think "We should buy them new shoes, or a new mattress or new clothes or this or that." MATERIAL THINGS. Because I think that is what they need. I want to fix things for them, my way, the way I fix things in America. I can't imagine going to school with no shoes. But I also have, like, 20 pairs of shoes to choose from. We sit here and think of ways that we should help, and we end up making it worse. I think that when you come to places like this, it is so important to submerse yourself in the culture, and understand the real problems here. Yes, the boys have crappy shoes. Yes, they have holes in their clothing. But we should be more concerned with getting them off drugs, getting them back into their homes with their families, getting them healthy, keeping them in school, and getting them educated so they have a chance at a better life. We need to teach them to rely on God and not on money, or themselves, or even the white people. That's the hardest part. You have to look beyond yourself, EVERYDAY, to see what these people REALLY need. Not what we think they need. You have to look at everyone through God's eyes.
I can be a cynic sometimes. I can be fearful and hurtful and guarded. God brought me here. And I think everything in me is all kind of changing. We can talk about being compassionate and loving and whatever, but what are we really doing? Are we loving in our sense of the word? Or are we loving the way God loves, the kind of love that sees the big picture, the whole truth, and may hurt a little at first but (in the words of Monk), "You'll thank me later" for it? Sometimes I try to say the things that I think kids want to hear. You can't do that here. It's too important. Too many lives are at stake. This isn't like America where education is free and our young people are encouraged to chase their dreams of rocket science or music or art or medicine. Generally, the education here is NOT free. You have to pay school fees/uniform fees. And generally, parents want their kids working, not in school. Kenya does not value education for young people. Parents don't really encourage their kids to get an education (unless it going to school doubles as baby-sitting.) It breaks my heart that this country barely give kids a chance. This is why I really love organizations like, "To Kenya, With Love." My favorite British people work there (Not that I know a lot of British people. But these guys are lovely). This organization helps kids with school fees and uniform fees. They counsel kids and help KEEP THEM IN SCHOOL.
And that is SO important.
Agape is doing great work as well, reintegrating kids back into their homes so they can function and have normal lives. It's about healing the wounds and dealing with baggage and as difficult and awkward that it might be, that's the best thing that we can do for these kids. (Just to clarify, if the situation at home is unsafe/unstable, Agape doesn't try to get them to stay home. This is just for the kids who CAN go home.) It would be nice to stand here and rattle off statistics about how many kids live at Agape and how great we are for helping. But what are those numbers for? Who benefits from those numbers? Not God. Not those kids. That's the real love that I am talking about. The difficult love. The love that remains even when we leave Kenya. That's the kind of mark I want to leave behind. Not a mark that says, "Marissa was here." A mark that says, "God IS here."
"And the best of the three is love." I read some commentary for 1 Corinthians 13 the other day. It says this: "Love is the root of the other two. Faith and hope are purely human. Love is divine."
I've had a lot of people asking how they can help. That is great. You can donate to places like Agape, or To Kenya, With Love. You can donate things like Bibles in Kiswahili, materials for classrooms, help pay for school fees for kids, or you can donate money to these organizations and they can figure out what to do with it. You can also donate to other organizations, however you see fit. There are great and Godly people doing amazing work for God everywhere, everyday. I ask that you pray about it. See where God is leading you. And follow through.
There is much work to be done here. Greater things have yet to come.
Love and miss you all. Be well.
Riss
For more information on these organizations, or to donate, you can visit these sites:
www.agapechildren.org (Agape Children's Ministry)
www.tkwl.org.uk (To Kenya, With Love)
Also, check out Blood:Water Mission. Because contrary to what I said about wells, some places around here actually NEED clean water. www.bloodwatermission.com
18.05.2009
Hola, amigos!
I really don't have much of an update here, but I'm trying to write regularly.
Here's what you need to know:
a. I had an AMAZING hamburger last night. I will eat one again tonight. And I will keep eating them until I no longer miss In n Out. Which might take a while. :)
b. I hear it's like 150 degrees in Sacramento. It's a nice 75 here in Kenya. Just sayin'...
c. Speaking of sun, I'm either really dirty, or kind of tan. I just showered 6 hours ago, so I'm going with TAN. HEY-O!
d. Apparently, I'm a master of Kung-Fu here. I don't mind it. I fought five 11-year olds today. With my gigantic purse. Made them all cry. I'm pretty much amazing.
d2. Just kidding. I get schooled everyday by these kids. In Kung-Fu. In politics. In faith. And in love.
e. When you go shopping for souvenirs here, you had best watch where you are going. I got grabbed by some lady who really wanted me to buy things. And she wouldn't take "I HAVE NO MONEY" for an answer. I think she thought I was lying. Come to think of it, I think everyone thinks I'm rich because I'm white.
f. I'm learning names! I'm learning names! I'm actually remembering names! (To clarify, I have to remember, like 200 names.. including kids and staff. It's hard work.)
g. I need a haircut. Seriously. I hate hair. Mike told me to buy a scrunchie today. I hate scrunchies more than I hate hair. Hair is stupid.
h. The kids are already telling me that they love me. And I am already telling them that I love them. It's gonna suck when I have to leave in 4 months.
i. Um, Did I tell you how cool these kids are? Just sayin'.
j. Have I mentioned yet how stoked I am to be here? Seriously. STOKED.
k. I am trying to figure out what to buy everyone back home. Any requests? I'll start making a list now. Might take me a while to gather everything. And I have to budget my money.. haha.
P.S. Did I tell you about how I ate some bad eggs? Diarrhea and vomiting on Saturday. Lovely. Sorry if that grossed you out. I'm much better now. Except I never want to eat eggs again.
'Tis all for now. Be well, my friends. I love and miss you all!
Riss
I really don't have much of an update here, but I'm trying to write regularly.
Here's what you need to know:
a. I had an AMAZING hamburger last night. I will eat one again tonight. And I will keep eating them until I no longer miss In n Out. Which might take a while. :)
b. I hear it's like 150 degrees in Sacramento. It's a nice 75 here in Kenya. Just sayin'...
c. Speaking of sun, I'm either really dirty, or kind of tan. I just showered 6 hours ago, so I'm going with TAN. HEY-O!
d. Apparently, I'm a master of Kung-Fu here. I don't mind it. I fought five 11-year olds today. With my gigantic purse. Made them all cry. I'm pretty much amazing.
d2. Just kidding. I get schooled everyday by these kids. In Kung-Fu. In politics. In faith. And in love.
e. When you go shopping for souvenirs here, you had best watch where you are going. I got grabbed by some lady who really wanted me to buy things. And she wouldn't take "I HAVE NO MONEY" for an answer. I think she thought I was lying. Come to think of it, I think everyone thinks I'm rich because I'm white.
f. I'm learning names! I'm learning names! I'm actually remembering names! (To clarify, I have to remember, like 200 names.. including kids and staff. It's hard work.)
g. I need a haircut. Seriously. I hate hair. Mike told me to buy a scrunchie today. I hate scrunchies more than I hate hair. Hair is stupid.
h. The kids are already telling me that they love me. And I am already telling them that I love them. It's gonna suck when I have to leave in 4 months.
i. Um, Did I tell you how cool these kids are? Just sayin'.
j. Have I mentioned yet how stoked I am to be here? Seriously. STOKED.
k. I am trying to figure out what to buy everyone back home. Any requests? I'll start making a list now. Might take me a while to gather everything. And I have to budget my money.. haha.
P.S. Did I tell you about how I ate some bad eggs? Diarrhea and vomiting on Saturday. Lovely. Sorry if that grossed you out. I'm much better now. Except I never want to eat eggs again.
'Tis all for now. Be well, my friends. I love and miss you all!
Riss
14.05.2009
I think it's almost unfair to be this happy. It's taken almost a whole month to settle in and find a groove. But I am really, really, really, inexplicably happy to be here. I feel like no matter how often or hard I try to move everything around, the pieces of the puzzle still fit perfectly together. It's too perfect to be us. I feel so much love and joy being here, especially in the kids. There's a reason why it's called "Agape." I can't even explain it. But I am in love with these kids. God is so, so, so good.
I've spent a lot of my time here worrying about things back home. I am afraid of coming home and not having any friends, or not fitting in, or feeling like everything else is just pointless. But God wants me here. And to worry about that stuff is to waste beautiful seconds of my journey here. So I'm over it. I don't care that I missed the season finale of Lost. I'm not worried about my friends. My heart knows it's time to let go. So I'm letting go. And, oh baby, does it feel good.
I'm inspired by those much smarter than me. I think I might have an intellectual/spiritual crush on Oswald Chambers. Here's something I read today from his book, My Utmost for His Highest.
"Very few of us have any understanding of the reason why Jesus Christ died. If sympathy is all that human beings need, then the Cross of Christ is an absurdity and there is absolutely no need for it. What the world needs is not "a little bit of love," but major surgery.
When you find yourself face to face with a person who is spiritually lost, remind yourself of Jesus Christ on the cross. If that person can get to God in any other way, then the Cross of Christ is unnecessary. If you think you are helping lost people with your sympathy and understanding, you are a traitor to Jesus Christ. You must have a right-standing relationship with Him yourself, and pour your life out in helping others in His way— not in a human way that ignores God. The theme of the world’s religion today is to serve in a pleasant, non-confrontational manner.
But our only priority must be to present Jesus Christ crucified— to lift Him up all the time (see 1 Corinthians 2:2 ). Every belief that is not firmly rooted in the Cross of Christ will lead people astray. If the worker himself believes in Jesus Christ and is trusting in the reality of redemption, his words will be compelling to others. What is extremely important is for the worker’s simple relationship with Jesus Christ to be strong and growing. His usefulness to God depends on that, and that alone.
The calling of a New Testament worker is to expose sin and to reveal Jesus Christ as Savior. Consequently, he cannot always be charming and friendly, but must be willing to be stern to accomplish major surgery. We are sent by God to lift up Jesus Christ, not to give wonderfully beautiful speeches. We must be willing to examine others as deeply as God has examined us. We must also be sharply intent on sensing those Scripture passages that will drive the truth home, and then not be afraid to apply them."
Dang. Knock me upside the head, whydontcha?
Anyway, I'm living and growing and learning. And I am so stoked to be here. Thanks for letting me chase this dream, guys. I am so grateful for your love and support and encouragement and prayer.
Seriously. God is freakin' amazing. You are wonderful. These kids are too legit. And I am happy. YAY.
Be Well. Riss
I've spent a lot of my time here worrying about things back home. I am afraid of coming home and not having any friends, or not fitting in, or feeling like everything else is just pointless. But God wants me here. And to worry about that stuff is to waste beautiful seconds of my journey here. So I'm over it. I don't care that I missed the season finale of Lost. I'm not worried about my friends. My heart knows it's time to let go. So I'm letting go. And, oh baby, does it feel good.
I'm inspired by those much smarter than me. I think I might have an intellectual/spiritual crush on Oswald Chambers. Here's something I read today from his book, My Utmost for His Highest.
"Very few of us have any understanding of the reason why Jesus Christ died. If sympathy is all that human beings need, then the Cross of Christ is an absurdity and there is absolutely no need for it. What the world needs is not "a little bit of love," but major surgery.
When you find yourself face to face with a person who is spiritually lost, remind yourself of Jesus Christ on the cross. If that person can get to God in any other way, then the Cross of Christ is unnecessary. If you think you are helping lost people with your sympathy and understanding, you are a traitor to Jesus Christ. You must have a right-standing relationship with Him yourself, and pour your life out in helping others in His way— not in a human way that ignores God. The theme of the world’s religion today is to serve in a pleasant, non-confrontational manner.
But our only priority must be to present Jesus Christ crucified— to lift Him up all the time (see 1 Corinthians 2:2 ). Every belief that is not firmly rooted in the Cross of Christ will lead people astray. If the worker himself believes in Jesus Christ and is trusting in the reality of redemption, his words will be compelling to others. What is extremely important is for the worker’s simple relationship with Jesus Christ to be strong and growing. His usefulness to God depends on that, and that alone.
The calling of a New Testament worker is to expose sin and to reveal Jesus Christ as Savior. Consequently, he cannot always be charming and friendly, but must be willing to be stern to accomplish major surgery. We are sent by God to lift up Jesus Christ, not to give wonderfully beautiful speeches. We must be willing to examine others as deeply as God has examined us. We must also be sharply intent on sensing those Scripture passages that will drive the truth home, and then not be afraid to apply them."
Dang. Knock me upside the head, whydontcha?
Anyway, I'm living and growing and learning. And I am so stoked to be here. Thanks for letting me chase this dream, guys. I am so grateful for your love and support and encouragement and prayer.
Seriously. God is freakin' amazing. You are wonderful. These kids are too legit. And I am happy. YAY.
Be Well. Riss
Reckless Abandon
Those words have been haunting me since the day I left home. They were one the last words of comfort that I heard when I set foot on this journey. They were God's words, said through the beautiful and smart Alicia. And I have been trying to find the right place to put them.
It's been raining all night here, and I absolutely love it. It's a beautiful noise. But of all the sleepless nights here, this is the only one that makes any sense. So I'm up at 4:30 in the morning, writing.
I guess I should apologize to those closest to me for a few things. 1, for complaining. 2, for being so vague. 3, for thinking that maybe you don't care when you actually do.
I'm like an ostrich, except instead of my head in the sand, it's my heart that I bury. I think that one of the truest measures of how much you love and follow God is whether or not you can love people who have hurt you. I talk a lot about loving. I talk a lot about forgiveness. My heart doesn't.
I've been thinking a lot about my life and who I want to be. All I want is to be able to love as deeply and purely as I can, with reckless abandon.
There are two people that have caused this revelation. To the first, and you are smart enough to know who you are, I am so sorry. For everything. I am sorry for being angry and bitter and for apologizing when I didn't really mean it. (Although, the last time I apologized, I really meant it). I feel like I am standing here, holding this broken friendship in my hands and I feel terrible. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to mess everything up. And as much as I try to hate you, I feel kind of the opposite. And I want you to know that I do miss you. So much. I miss our friendship. I miss being able to talk with you about stupid stuff and laugh with you about other stupid stuff. I'm not sure if you will even read this. I'm not sure how you feel about anything. Still. But I need to say this because I need to not be angry with myself about what happened anymore. So I'll apologize one more time. And then I'm going to try for the umpteenth time to move on. I am so, so, so sorry.
To the second person, and you may or may not get the chance to read this, I am sorry. I am sorry for dwelling on the past. I am sorry for blaming you for everything that is wrong with my life. I am sorry that I can't seem to get past this. And I am sorry that I can't let myself talk to you. I am sorry that I complained for years and years and years about how much I wanted you in my life, and then when you finally show up, I can't deal with it. I bury my heart in the sand and I run away from you. I wish I could say that I want you around, because that would not be true. It's not because I don't want you in my life, it's because it's too difficult. But I believe, with everything in me, that this stuff is happening to me right now because God wants me to deal with it. So I'm dealing with it. It's going to take a whole lot of time. And I am going to walk slowly and tread lightly. But I'm moving forward. Maybe someday I will love you the way that you deserve to be loved by a daughter.
It probably seems really stupid to be typing this here, to throw my heart onto the keyboard with reckless abandon in an attempt to make any sense of this. But I'm not really great with talking. And the two people that I reference in this note probably wouldn't talk to me anyway, at the rate I'm going. So I'm writing. And I hope that they read this. And I hope that they don't hate me.
I need some hope. I feel like if I am going to be teaching these kids about hope, I need some for myself. I would like to keep some spare hope and some spare love and some spare forgiveness in my pockets to hand out at will because it's needed here. Desperately. And I figure if I have those things in my heart, then there's enough to go around.
I would also like to say, on a lighter note, that as I was typing this, I got four new mosquito bites on my legs. AWESOME.
Be well, my friends. I love you all. Thank you for caring. Riss
It's been raining all night here, and I absolutely love it. It's a beautiful noise. But of all the sleepless nights here, this is the only one that makes any sense. So I'm up at 4:30 in the morning, writing.
I guess I should apologize to those closest to me for a few things. 1, for complaining. 2, for being so vague. 3, for thinking that maybe you don't care when you actually do.
I'm like an ostrich, except instead of my head in the sand, it's my heart that I bury. I think that one of the truest measures of how much you love and follow God is whether or not you can love people who have hurt you. I talk a lot about loving. I talk a lot about forgiveness. My heart doesn't.
I've been thinking a lot about my life and who I want to be. All I want is to be able to love as deeply and purely as I can, with reckless abandon.
There are two people that have caused this revelation. To the first, and you are smart enough to know who you are, I am so sorry. For everything. I am sorry for being angry and bitter and for apologizing when I didn't really mean it. (Although, the last time I apologized, I really meant it). I feel like I am standing here, holding this broken friendship in my hands and I feel terrible. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to mess everything up. And as much as I try to hate you, I feel kind of the opposite. And I want you to know that I do miss you. So much. I miss our friendship. I miss being able to talk with you about stupid stuff and laugh with you about other stupid stuff. I'm not sure if you will even read this. I'm not sure how you feel about anything. Still. But I need to say this because I need to not be angry with myself about what happened anymore. So I'll apologize one more time. And then I'm going to try for the umpteenth time to move on. I am so, so, so sorry.
To the second person, and you may or may not get the chance to read this, I am sorry. I am sorry for dwelling on the past. I am sorry for blaming you for everything that is wrong with my life. I am sorry that I can't seem to get past this. And I am sorry that I can't let myself talk to you. I am sorry that I complained for years and years and years about how much I wanted you in my life, and then when you finally show up, I can't deal with it. I bury my heart in the sand and I run away from you. I wish I could say that I want you around, because that would not be true. It's not because I don't want you in my life, it's because it's too difficult. But I believe, with everything in me, that this stuff is happening to me right now because God wants me to deal with it. So I'm dealing with it. It's going to take a whole lot of time. And I am going to walk slowly and tread lightly. But I'm moving forward. Maybe someday I will love you the way that you deserve to be loved by a daughter.
It probably seems really stupid to be typing this here, to throw my heart onto the keyboard with reckless abandon in an attempt to make any sense of this. But I'm not really great with talking. And the two people that I reference in this note probably wouldn't talk to me anyway, at the rate I'm going. So I'm writing. And I hope that they read this. And I hope that they don't hate me.
I need some hope. I feel like if I am going to be teaching these kids about hope, I need some for myself. I would like to keep some spare hope and some spare love and some spare forgiveness in my pockets to hand out at will because it's needed here. Desperately. And I figure if I have those things in my heart, then there's enough to go around.
I would also like to say, on a lighter note, that as I was typing this, I got four new mosquito bites on my legs. AWESOME.
Be well, my friends. I love you all. Thank you for caring. Riss
09.05.2009
Hi Everyone!
Sorry I haven't written in a while. I guess I've been kind of busy/preoccupied. Lo Siento.
First off, all the boys (and girls) are back at Agape for the school term. There are... something like a BAJILLION kids there. It's ridiculously difficult to remember everyone's names. They all look alike to me, haha. It's funny because all the kids just call me "Mzungu" (I think that's how you spell it) which means "white person." I'm not sure if it's a racist comment or not, but, whatever the case, I prefer to be called by my name. People have trouble saying my name here, so I go by "Moresa." I think that's funny as heck.
Yesterday there was a devotional/chapel thing for the boys. Apparently, they expect the missionaries to talk about stuff. I ran away screaming. (It wasn't actually screaming, it was kind of this grunt-y noise that I make sometimes. You might have heard it before.) I was NOT prepared, and I get nervous enough when I have to speak in front of people, it was terrible to stand up there with NOTHING TO SAY. Exhibit A for "How Marissa cracks under pressure." I'm sure it was hilarious.
But I sat in on one of the classes yesterday, which was fun. The kids were learning English and it was a vocab lesson. The teacher asked the kids to define the word "bins." One of the kids said, "the food that gives you gas." The word "bins" and "beans" sound alike here. Funny? Yes.
I'm also working in the office. My job at home is a secretary, so I'm around computers all the time. I'm not the fastest/best. But I know enough that I can take care of my business. I come here and they think I'm amazing or something because I can type more than 30 words a minute and because I can upload pictures from a camera. There are some days when I am really busy, and other days where I don't have anything to do. I'm learning to go with the flow.
I will also say that I'm learning Mike-language. If Mike says "just a moment" it really means anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. If he says "okay, we are leaving" it means, "we MIGHT be leaving sometime TODAY." If Mike says, "We need to be at Agape by 9" it might mean "We will be at Agape at 9." It also might mean, "We will be at Agape at 11." We kind of give him a hard time about that. But deep down, he's teaching me how to be patient.. haha. (Sorry, Mike. It's all love.)
One of the most difficult things here is that the kids don't really have a concept of personal space. I can't let it bug me, but when you have kids constantly pulling at your hair and trying to steal your rings and taking off your glasses, it's hard because you kind of have to put your foot down and be mean a little bit. That's the worst part, for me. I have trouble doing that back home. But you have to do that here. That's where I get stuck, for the most part. I have to walk my walk and talk my talk and live by faith and truth and love every second of every step of everyday. These kids need that. I guess maybe I need it to.
We also took a drive today to the Equator. It's literally this statue of a ball thing that says "Equator" on it. It's on the side of the road and you could miss it if you weren't paying attention. You get out of the car, take your pictures, and that's that. Kind of a bummer, but it was funny to see the locals kind of making fun of us about it. Some of the roads are not paved here. It's like the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland except without a seatbelt and Harrison Ford isn't there to make it worth my while. But I guess the roads have come a long way (paving-wise), so I'm grateful.
Lastly, I would like to say that the ice cream is really good here. And there are no toilet seat covers. It seems kind of silly to worry about toilet seat covers back home now.
Also, if you could say some prayers for me, I'd appreciate it. I was on Mefloquine, the anti-malarial medication and it's having some really bad effects. I am starting a new medication next week, but I am still having trouble sleeping and I feel anxious and depressed. It's debilitating. I'm just hoping it doesn't have any permanent effects.
Anyway, I love you all. I miss you all. I am consuming a fair share of Ugali, Sukuma and Stoneys for all of you! On Wednesday I will have officially been here for a month! Hey-o! Only four months left...
Be well, Riss
P.S. I would be completely okay if all the mosquitos fell of the face of the planet and DIED. I am SICK OF BEING BITTEN. Haha.
Sorry I haven't written in a while. I guess I've been kind of busy/preoccupied. Lo Siento.
First off, all the boys (and girls) are back at Agape for the school term. There are... something like a BAJILLION kids there. It's ridiculously difficult to remember everyone's names. They all look alike to me, haha. It's funny because all the kids just call me "Mzungu" (I think that's how you spell it) which means "white person." I'm not sure if it's a racist comment or not, but, whatever the case, I prefer to be called by my name. People have trouble saying my name here, so I go by "Moresa." I think that's funny as heck.
Yesterday there was a devotional/chapel thing for the boys. Apparently, they expect the missionaries to talk about stuff. I ran away screaming. (It wasn't actually screaming, it was kind of this grunt-y noise that I make sometimes. You might have heard it before.) I was NOT prepared, and I get nervous enough when I have to speak in front of people, it was terrible to stand up there with NOTHING TO SAY. Exhibit A for "How Marissa cracks under pressure." I'm sure it was hilarious.
But I sat in on one of the classes yesterday, which was fun. The kids were learning English and it was a vocab lesson. The teacher asked the kids to define the word "bins." One of the kids said, "the food that gives you gas." The word "bins" and "beans" sound alike here. Funny? Yes.
I'm also working in the office. My job at home is a secretary, so I'm around computers all the time. I'm not the fastest/best. But I know enough that I can take care of my business. I come here and they think I'm amazing or something because I can type more than 30 words a minute and because I can upload pictures from a camera. There are some days when I am really busy, and other days where I don't have anything to do. I'm learning to go with the flow.
I will also say that I'm learning Mike-language. If Mike says "just a moment" it really means anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour. If he says "okay, we are leaving" it means, "we MIGHT be leaving sometime TODAY." If Mike says, "We need to be at Agape by 9" it might mean "We will be at Agape at 9." It also might mean, "We will be at Agape at 11." We kind of give him a hard time about that. But deep down, he's teaching me how to be patient.. haha. (Sorry, Mike. It's all love.)
One of the most difficult things here is that the kids don't really have a concept of personal space. I can't let it bug me, but when you have kids constantly pulling at your hair and trying to steal your rings and taking off your glasses, it's hard because you kind of have to put your foot down and be mean a little bit. That's the worst part, for me. I have trouble doing that back home. But you have to do that here. That's where I get stuck, for the most part. I have to walk my walk and talk my talk and live by faith and truth and love every second of every step of everyday. These kids need that. I guess maybe I need it to.
We also took a drive today to the Equator. It's literally this statue of a ball thing that says "Equator" on it. It's on the side of the road and you could miss it if you weren't paying attention. You get out of the car, take your pictures, and that's that. Kind of a bummer, but it was funny to see the locals kind of making fun of us about it. Some of the roads are not paved here. It's like the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland except without a seatbelt and Harrison Ford isn't there to make it worth my while. But I guess the roads have come a long way (paving-wise), so I'm grateful.
Lastly, I would like to say that the ice cream is really good here. And there are no toilet seat covers. It seems kind of silly to worry about toilet seat covers back home now.
Also, if you could say some prayers for me, I'd appreciate it. I was on Mefloquine, the anti-malarial medication and it's having some really bad effects. I am starting a new medication next week, but I am still having trouble sleeping and I feel anxious and depressed. It's debilitating. I'm just hoping it doesn't have any permanent effects.
Anyway, I love you all. I miss you all. I am consuming a fair share of Ugali, Sukuma and Stoneys for all of you! On Wednesday I will have officially been here for a month! Hey-o! Only four months left...
Be well, Riss
P.S. I would be completely okay if all the mosquitos fell of the face of the planet and DIED. I am SICK OF BEING BITTEN. Haha.
30 April 2009
Birthday.
Today I filled out databases for kids at Agape. I tried to figure out the remnants of years of mismatched paperwork filled out about these kids. They all say different things, like maybe the kid is 13 years old on one page and 14 on another, depending on who filled it out. Maybe their mother is dead, or maybe she is a waitress at the local hotel. It's not holes in research, it's the nature of life here, I think.
I can't imagine not knowing my birthday. I can't imagine not knowing how old I am. Or what my middle name is. If there is a kid that doesn't have a birthday, we make his birthday January 1, of whatever year he thinks he was born. I filled out a lot of "January 1"s today.
I threw such a fit last year on my birthday. Your birthday is the one day a year when you are allowed to feel special or whatever. People don't celebrate birthdays here because no one really knows their birthday. And I whine when people don't recognize mine.
I get irritated when people mess up my name, like if they mispronounce it or something. But at least I have one, a real one, one given to me with a lot of thought and care and love. I can't imagine not knowing my whole name, my real name. Or getting one given to you by people looking through your life in a file.
I will say that the kids that I have met so far are absolutely wonderful. Funny. Kind. They love to help. They love to hang out and joke around. They love to talk to you and it doesn't matter if you are sweaty or if your hair is frizzy. I love it because all the things that matter back home DON'T MATTER HERE. And the stuff that I take for granted, like patience and sincerity and relationships and unconditional love... That's the stuff on the front lines of battle here.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are so many things that I hold in high account in life to help determine who I am. It all seems trivial now.
It all keeps coming back to God. Just God, you know? It really doesn't matter what people say, or who stays or goes or loves me or rejects me or hurts me. God knows every hair on my head, even when I accidentally pull one out because I haven't brushed my hair in a while (I left my hairbrush in California). I just pulled another one out. I wonder if God is laughing with me on that one.
See, with God, it doesn't matter if my hair is frizzy or if I smell, the same way it is with the kids here. I know that Jesus is here, and I know that Jesus is in them. I see it, just like I see the sun shining or the bug bites on my arms. It's easy to get caught up in the crap that happens here, and how people wrong you. But I am seeing Jesus here more and more. David conquering Goliath, good over evil, every day. And I love it.
Asante, Nakupenda Sana. (I'm learning!)
be well my friends. Miss you.
Riss
I can't imagine not knowing my birthday. I can't imagine not knowing how old I am. Or what my middle name is. If there is a kid that doesn't have a birthday, we make his birthday January 1, of whatever year he thinks he was born. I filled out a lot of "January 1"s today.
I threw such a fit last year on my birthday. Your birthday is the one day a year when you are allowed to feel special or whatever. People don't celebrate birthdays here because no one really knows their birthday. And I whine when people don't recognize mine.
I get irritated when people mess up my name, like if they mispronounce it or something. But at least I have one, a real one, one given to me with a lot of thought and care and love. I can't imagine not knowing my whole name, my real name. Or getting one given to you by people looking through your life in a file.
I will say that the kids that I have met so far are absolutely wonderful. Funny. Kind. They love to help. They love to hang out and joke around. They love to talk to you and it doesn't matter if you are sweaty or if your hair is frizzy. I love it because all the things that matter back home DON'T MATTER HERE. And the stuff that I take for granted, like patience and sincerity and relationships and unconditional love... That's the stuff on the front lines of battle here.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are so many things that I hold in high account in life to help determine who I am. It all seems trivial now.
It all keeps coming back to God. Just God, you know? It really doesn't matter what people say, or who stays or goes or loves me or rejects me or hurts me. God knows every hair on my head, even when I accidentally pull one out because I haven't brushed my hair in a while (I left my hairbrush in California). I just pulled another one out. I wonder if God is laughing with me on that one.
See, with God, it doesn't matter if my hair is frizzy or if I smell, the same way it is with the kids here. I know that Jesus is here, and I know that Jesus is in them. I see it, just like I see the sun shining or the bug bites on my arms. It's easy to get caught up in the crap that happens here, and how people wrong you. But I am seeing Jesus here more and more. David conquering Goliath, good over evil, every day. And I love it.
Asante, Nakupenda Sana. (I'm learning!)
be well my friends. Miss you.
Riss
29 April 2009
29.04.2009
Hodgepodge.
* I miss American food. But the food here is growing on me. I've eaten scuma-wiki and ugali (you can check my spelling on that.. haha). Scuma is this green stuff that kind of reminds me of coleslaw, but it's actually really good. Someone said it's kale. I'm not sure what it's made of. I'll research that more and get back to you. Ugali is this white mush. It's like half bread, half mashed potatoes as far as texture goes, but it has no taste whatsoever. You eat scuma and ugali at the same time, and you eat it with your hands. Some of the guys at Agape offered me some of their lunch of scuma and ugali. They were not grossed out that I reached into their food with my dirty hands. I love it.
* Yesterday we watched the news because Parliament was making some sort of crazy decisions. Kenya has a president AND a prime minister. On the news there was a black man with the parliament wig on... the long, curly one. I thought that was funny.
* I miss being able to brush my teeth with the water from the faucet. I actually just miss not having to think about whether or not the tap water is going into my mouth/nose/ears/eyes. It's kind of annoying, really.
* I need a haircut. I now know why African women shave their head or wear the braids.. it's so stinkin' hot. Hair is just annoying.
* I am an impatient person. I am always punctual. God sent me to Kenya. God has a sense of humor, I think.
* I'm also reading a lot. I am terrible at reading aloud, I think it's because my brain moves faster than my mouth, which is why I have trouble speaking my mind eloquently. So I've been trying to read out loud, so that I don't sound like a loser all the time. But I get bored. I am reading The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. I read aloud with a british accent and it's much more fun.
* I was trying to describe America to Paul the other day. It was interesting to think about my country and culture, trying to describe it to someone who has never been.
* I sleep in a mosquito net. It's cool at first. But then you have to get up in the middle of the night and you forget that it's there and you get tangled in it.
* I didn't know elbows could sweat. Awesome.
* I am going to learn how to cook while I am here. I WILL!
* I now understand what people meant when they talked about bad reactions to Malaria meds. I haven't slept for more than a couple of hours at a time for the past couple of days. I have the TRIPPIEST dreams. One of which involved my baby sister having robot spider arms like that guy from Star Wars, and another where I had Chinese food that talks to me. It's funny. But I'm crabby from lack of sleep.
* Does anyone want to send me any good books to read? I will love you forever. :)
Love and miss you all.
* I miss American food. But the food here is growing on me. I've eaten scuma-wiki and ugali (you can check my spelling on that.. haha). Scuma is this green stuff that kind of reminds me of coleslaw, but it's actually really good. Someone said it's kale. I'm not sure what it's made of. I'll research that more and get back to you. Ugali is this white mush. It's like half bread, half mashed potatoes as far as texture goes, but it has no taste whatsoever. You eat scuma and ugali at the same time, and you eat it with your hands. Some of the guys at Agape offered me some of their lunch of scuma and ugali. They were not grossed out that I reached into their food with my dirty hands. I love it.
* Yesterday we watched the news because Parliament was making some sort of crazy decisions. Kenya has a president AND a prime minister. On the news there was a black man with the parliament wig on... the long, curly one. I thought that was funny.
* I miss being able to brush my teeth with the water from the faucet. I actually just miss not having to think about whether or not the tap water is going into my mouth/nose/ears/eyes. It's kind of annoying, really.
* I need a haircut. I now know why African women shave their head or wear the braids.. it's so stinkin' hot. Hair is just annoying.
* I am an impatient person. I am always punctual. God sent me to Kenya. God has a sense of humor, I think.
* I'm also reading a lot. I am terrible at reading aloud, I think it's because my brain moves faster than my mouth, which is why I have trouble speaking my mind eloquently. So I've been trying to read out loud, so that I don't sound like a loser all the time. But I get bored. I am reading The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. I read aloud with a british accent and it's much more fun.
* I was trying to describe America to Paul the other day. It was interesting to think about my country and culture, trying to describe it to someone who has never been.
* I sleep in a mosquito net. It's cool at first. But then you have to get up in the middle of the night and you forget that it's there and you get tangled in it.
* I didn't know elbows could sweat. Awesome.
* I am going to learn how to cook while I am here. I WILL!
* I now understand what people meant when they talked about bad reactions to Malaria meds. I haven't slept for more than a couple of hours at a time for the past couple of days. I have the TRIPPIEST dreams. One of which involved my baby sister having robot spider arms like that guy from Star Wars, and another where I had Chinese food that talks to me. It's funny. But I'm crabby from lack of sleep.
* Does anyone want to send me any good books to read? I will love you forever. :)
Love and miss you all.
26.04.2009
'm generally pretty punctual. I like to know what time we are supposed to be doing things. I like time, really. It keeps me organized. It keeps me focused and on schedule.
Kenya has NO CONCEPT OF TIME. (name that movie)
For example, in America, when you go to a restaurant and you order your food, they have it out to you in like half hour, 20 minutes if they are good. You don't really have to wait for your food.
Last night we went to dinner, and we got our food almost an hour and a half after we ordered.
And anyone who has ever been to Kenya is probably laughing right now. Because you know what I am talking about.
People see time as more of a chance for fellowship and building relationships. In America, if I say "dinner at 6", I can plan to be done by 7. Maybe 7:30 at the latest. In Kenya, if I say "dinner at 6" I don't get home until 9:30.
I'm not sure if I like it or not. It's going to take some getting used to. haha.
love and miss you all! Big hugs,
riss
Kenya has NO CONCEPT OF TIME. (name that movie)
For example, in America, when you go to a restaurant and you order your food, they have it out to you in like half hour, 20 minutes if they are good. You don't really have to wait for your food.
Last night we went to dinner, and we got our food almost an hour and a half after we ordered.
And anyone who has ever been to Kenya is probably laughing right now. Because you know what I am talking about.
People see time as more of a chance for fellowship and building relationships. In America, if I say "dinner at 6", I can plan to be done by 7. Maybe 7:30 at the latest. In Kenya, if I say "dinner at 6" I don't get home until 9:30.
I'm not sure if I like it or not. It's going to take some getting used to. haha.
love and miss you all! Big hugs,
riss
24.04.2009
It seems I am developing a pattern of writing every other day. I am really hoping I don't run out of things to write about! I don't think I will. I am still inspired and I haven't really left the house much lately (I'm trying to kick this flu/cold thing).
In regards to my last entry, I would like to thank everyone for their prayers and support and encouragement. It is much needed. I'm sorry that I have been complaining so much. I think I got so overwhelmed that I forgot to take a little time to revel in the beauty of this country.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?... See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" (Matthew 6:26, 28-30, NIV)
"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." (Matthew 6:27-34 The Message)
In my old, old, old house we had bluejays. I'm usually pretty cool with nature; it's an "I don't bug you, you don't bug me" kind of understanding. But these FREAKIN' bluejays would caw-caw every morning before the sun came up. And it's not like a cordial "chirp-chirp". Those blue jays are like that grandma that is always asking you why you don't have a boyfriend yet. You kind of wish she had a mute button. Or at least a filter or something. I'll just say that I don't invite any birds to my birthday parties, okay?
But then I came to Kenya. And everything is green and beautiful and I wish that you could see the flowers that are growing on the tree right outside my bedroom window. They are orange like fire and sunrises and they grow on top of these flat trees that I call "trampoline trees" because I could imagine myself bouncing on top of them for hours and hours. And the birds chirp like in a Disney movie and I feel like Cinderella or Snow White and there is camaraderie and we are singing and whistling and cleaning or whatever it is they do in those movies. The birds are bluer than the songs they sing, and it's beautiful and simple and pure and I sometimes forget about it because I am so busy thinking about all of the other stuff.
I wonder how it is possible for a country to be so corrupt and malicious and hateful and yet is so absolutely, completely beautiful. So green. I look at the nature around me and the sky when the sun is setting in it's purples and reds and even the lightning storms that look like fireworks and I imagine this is what the Garden of Eden must have been like, only without all the noise and pollution and disease and poverty. I cannot explain how beautiful it is here.
I've been thinking a lot about the Garden of Eden lately and I wonder why God would create something like a garden. God could have created a castle or a Cadillac Escalade or Disneyland. But the first thing he creates for Adam and Eve to live in when everything is complete perfection before all this sin infected our lives.. I'm just wondering why it's a garden. The environment is so fickle, and plants wither and die when you forget to water them for a week on vacation or when you water them too much or when the dog pees in them. Most of us have thumbs that are not green and time that is not to be spent on caring for a potted plant you bought at OSH or Home Depot. And so I'm wondering why God would create this perfect garden, this pure and simple and beautiful garden and say "this is perfect for my perfect son." So why would God make a garden that can so easily shrivel up and die? And why was this the place that God let Adam and Eve live in? I'm sure that God and Adam would take walks in the sunrise and Adam would ask questions or tell jokes and God would laugh and they would have this amazing Savior/Creator/Best Friend kind of relationship. I wonder what it would be like to see God or to hear is voice or laugh with him. That's the kind of stuff that the Garden of Eden makes me think about: this perfect intimacy with God.
I figure, God could have created some sort of insane piece of technology in a millisecond if that's what it took to get us to understand the simple joy in life. But technology is like the opposite of simple. And God is the opposite of technology. However, I don't consider God to be simple. Maybe my theory is off a little bit.
Anyway, I come here and the nature is so tangible and real. And I love it. I look at the birds of the air and how beautiful they are and I think of that verse and I try to comprehend how a God who makes these beautiful birds and these gorgeous flowers could love me more than any of these things and I can't figure it out. I guess I'm not supposed to, right? That's just the way it is around here. And there is no way that this place is even remotely as beautiful as the Garden of Eden. Geeze, what were we thinking...
I think of that bible verse and I've heard it a bazillion times and I've used it to help through all sorts of situations: divorce, death, abandonment, neglect, anger, fear, depression, eviction, heartbreak, sickness. But I never take that verse for what it is: the simplicity of life. It's birds, and flowers and grass and us. Why would God give us a Garden like Eden or a country as beautiful as this one if there was any sort of reason for us to be wanting more than that? I know that cars are convenient and new clothes make us feel good. But are they necessary? No. I think that's what that verse comes down to. Worry is just as unnecessary as the new clothes, or the expensive car or the fancy new cell phone or whatever it is that you think you need.
It all really just comes down to the birds, the flowers, you, me and God. And that's beautiful, don't you think?
In regards to my last entry, I would like to thank everyone for their prayers and support and encouragement. It is much needed. I'm sorry that I have been complaining so much. I think I got so overwhelmed that I forgot to take a little time to revel in the beauty of this country.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?... See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" (Matthew 6:26, 28-30, NIV)
"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." (Matthew 6:27-34 The Message)
In my old, old, old house we had bluejays. I'm usually pretty cool with nature; it's an "I don't bug you, you don't bug me" kind of understanding. But these FREAKIN' bluejays would caw-caw every morning before the sun came up. And it's not like a cordial "chirp-chirp". Those blue jays are like that grandma that is always asking you why you don't have a boyfriend yet. You kind of wish she had a mute button. Or at least a filter or something. I'll just say that I don't invite any birds to my birthday parties, okay?
But then I came to Kenya. And everything is green and beautiful and I wish that you could see the flowers that are growing on the tree right outside my bedroom window. They are orange like fire and sunrises and they grow on top of these flat trees that I call "trampoline trees" because I could imagine myself bouncing on top of them for hours and hours. And the birds chirp like in a Disney movie and I feel like Cinderella or Snow White and there is camaraderie and we are singing and whistling and cleaning or whatever it is they do in those movies. The birds are bluer than the songs they sing, and it's beautiful and simple and pure and I sometimes forget about it because I am so busy thinking about all of the other stuff.
I wonder how it is possible for a country to be so corrupt and malicious and hateful and yet is so absolutely, completely beautiful. So green. I look at the nature around me and the sky when the sun is setting in it's purples and reds and even the lightning storms that look like fireworks and I imagine this is what the Garden of Eden must have been like, only without all the noise and pollution and disease and poverty. I cannot explain how beautiful it is here.
I've been thinking a lot about the Garden of Eden lately and I wonder why God would create something like a garden. God could have created a castle or a Cadillac Escalade or Disneyland. But the first thing he creates for Adam and Eve to live in when everything is complete perfection before all this sin infected our lives.. I'm just wondering why it's a garden. The environment is so fickle, and plants wither and die when you forget to water them for a week on vacation or when you water them too much or when the dog pees in them. Most of us have thumbs that are not green and time that is not to be spent on caring for a potted plant you bought at OSH or Home Depot. And so I'm wondering why God would create this perfect garden, this pure and simple and beautiful garden and say "this is perfect for my perfect son." So why would God make a garden that can so easily shrivel up and die? And why was this the place that God let Adam and Eve live in? I'm sure that God and Adam would take walks in the sunrise and Adam would ask questions or tell jokes and God would laugh and they would have this amazing Savior/Creator/Best Friend kind of relationship. I wonder what it would be like to see God or to hear is voice or laugh with him. That's the kind of stuff that the Garden of Eden makes me think about: this perfect intimacy with God.
I figure, God could have created some sort of insane piece of technology in a millisecond if that's what it took to get us to understand the simple joy in life. But technology is like the opposite of simple. And God is the opposite of technology. However, I don't consider God to be simple. Maybe my theory is off a little bit.
Anyway, I come here and the nature is so tangible and real. And I love it. I look at the birds of the air and how beautiful they are and I think of that verse and I try to comprehend how a God who makes these beautiful birds and these gorgeous flowers could love me more than any of these things and I can't figure it out. I guess I'm not supposed to, right? That's just the way it is around here. And there is no way that this place is even remotely as beautiful as the Garden of Eden. Geeze, what were we thinking...
I think of that bible verse and I've heard it a bazillion times and I've used it to help through all sorts of situations: divorce, death, abandonment, neglect, anger, fear, depression, eviction, heartbreak, sickness. But I never take that verse for what it is: the simplicity of life. It's birds, and flowers and grass and us. Why would God give us a Garden like Eden or a country as beautiful as this one if there was any sort of reason for us to be wanting more than that? I know that cars are convenient and new clothes make us feel good. But are they necessary? No. I think that's what that verse comes down to. Worry is just as unnecessary as the new clothes, or the expensive car or the fancy new cell phone or whatever it is that you think you need.
It all really just comes down to the birds, the flowers, you, me and God. And that's beautiful, don't you think?
22.04.2009
I think I need to take a moment to be quite honest. Sometimes, I try to be braver than I am. But I'm really not brave at all, I don't think. So, as you can imagine, I often find myself pretending. A little honesty is needed here today.
I feel immense pressure being here. It's a pressure that I have created, and I do not know why I created it. It's not fun. But I feel like because so many people have given me money to come here and because God picked me for this job (of all the freakin' people He could have picked...) and because people are telling me how envious they are and how I am going for them and how I am going to have a great time... I feel like I have to do a good job here and I feel like I have to always be strong and brave and smart and honest and patient and all of these things that I am sometimes not. I look back at those words I just listed, and I'm thinking that maybe it's not a bad thing that I try to be those things. Now I just feel silly.
Today, I visited the outreach center here in Kisumu. From what I understand, it happens once a week, on Wednesdays. It's a place for the street kids to come and get some food and (i think) shower and here some of God's word. These kids do not live at Agape. I'm not sure if they know God or not. All the boys get pat down before they are allowed to come inside. And as I walked inside the gate, I was swarmed with kids. I had kids grabbing my hands and my arms and my hair and my face and touching me and yelling at me and, to be quite honest, it was all a little overwhelming.
I'll take that back. It was really overwhelming.
This is where I get stuck. I want to be here. I don't quite know what I've gotten myself into, but I want to be here. But the truth is, I am scared. Terrified. I need to say that. Because I hold it to be true, and because I don't know whether I can talk about it or not because I do not want to be a coward. I sometimes revel in my cowardice. I hate that about myself. I actually sat down inside and cried like a little wuss. And I feel so freakin' stupid. I cried, not because I was heartbroken, not because I was in pain. I cried because I am scared. Because I am a wuss and because I am small and because I am scared. I am scared to be here and I am scared that I am not going to fulfill this thing that I need to be fulfilling because it is a really big deal to be here, and when you do work like this, it matters what you say and how you act and whether or not I really believe and love the Jesus you say you do. It's the biggest test of faith, for me. To step up and rise to this challenge that has been presented to me, laid before me. I cannot do this on my own. I can't do anything on my own. But for whatever reason, I feel like I'm supposed to, and that's not really right, now is it?
Needless to say, I am still feeling a little under the weather and I'm tired and I'm homesick and so I'm sure that sets my emotions on high, which could affect why I had such a strange reaction. I always thought I would be so quick to jump in. But it's different here. I can't explain it. I am quick to feel uncomfortable and quick to cower and quick to hear the devil's voice and I am slow to see the truth and hear the quiet whisper of God. But I know that He is here. I know He is here like I know that I am here. I see him moving and breathing in the warriors that walk these streets in the name of God and in the name of Love. And these people are just people. Just bruised and broken masterpieces**. Just boys who just need to fulfill the need to be loved, to be worthy, used, and good. It's a need that exists in all of us. And when you think about it like that, it's really not that scary, right?
I'll end it with this, because it's making real sense to me lately: My last Sunday night youth group thing in California, we had a worship night/prayer time. I took a walk outside. I remember I was feeling very scared and very heartbroken because I was getting ready to leave and because I was going to miss my friends and so I cried. It was windy outside, and I like the wind because it feels like God's breath all around me. I remember telling God that I wasn't ready to go to Africa, that I couldn't do anything like this because generally mess up everything I set out to do, and because I am small and because I am only one person and because I talk a lot about being faithful and loving, but I am not sure if I am these things. I remember saying, "I can't.. I can't.. I can't." I used to say those words all the time, when I felt Satan controlling my soul. Those are the words of the unfaithful. I remember my soul being loud and my brain not really being very helpful, only saying things that were not good for me. But I felt the breath of God in the wind and I heard His voice. And he said, "you can because I can." (I think it's silly to type out what God says. Little letters trying to live up to the words of God... that's funny.) So there it is. I can do this not because of my own strength. Not because someone said it would be fun. Not because I'm not good at anything else. I can do this because God can do this. And me and God are a pretty good team, I think. Mostly because of God. He is like David Beckham and I am like... the poo on the soccer field or something. I'm pretty useless. I kind of just run back and forth. God scores all the goals.
But I'm here. And that's enough for now. I'm going to go take a nap because I'm still feeling pretty sick, but I'm on antibiotics now. At least I don't have TB or something. :)
Oh, and I would also like to say that I miss milk/juice that have the easy-pour spout things. Here, we have to cut a flap in the boxes that our liquids come in. This creates sort of a "glug-glug" thing that sometimes makes the liquid go places it shouldn't go and it makes me sad, because all I wanted was milk on my cereal and juice in the cup and not on the counter or my shoes or my clean shirt. So enjoy that common luxury, America. I'll look forward to it when I come home. :)
love and miss you all dearly. (95 degrees in Sacramento.. SUCKAAAASSSS!)
**"Economy of Mercy" by Switchfoot
I feel immense pressure being here. It's a pressure that I have created, and I do not know why I created it. It's not fun. But I feel like because so many people have given me money to come here and because God picked me for this job (of all the freakin' people He could have picked...) and because people are telling me how envious they are and how I am going for them and how I am going to have a great time... I feel like I have to do a good job here and I feel like I have to always be strong and brave and smart and honest and patient and all of these things that I am sometimes not. I look back at those words I just listed, and I'm thinking that maybe it's not a bad thing that I try to be those things. Now I just feel silly.
Today, I visited the outreach center here in Kisumu. From what I understand, it happens once a week, on Wednesdays. It's a place for the street kids to come and get some food and (i think) shower and here some of God's word. These kids do not live at Agape. I'm not sure if they know God or not. All the boys get pat down before they are allowed to come inside. And as I walked inside the gate, I was swarmed with kids. I had kids grabbing my hands and my arms and my hair and my face and touching me and yelling at me and, to be quite honest, it was all a little overwhelming.
I'll take that back. It was really overwhelming.
This is where I get stuck. I want to be here. I don't quite know what I've gotten myself into, but I want to be here. But the truth is, I am scared. Terrified. I need to say that. Because I hold it to be true, and because I don't know whether I can talk about it or not because I do not want to be a coward. I sometimes revel in my cowardice. I hate that about myself. I actually sat down inside and cried like a little wuss. And I feel so freakin' stupid. I cried, not because I was heartbroken, not because I was in pain. I cried because I am scared. Because I am a wuss and because I am small and because I am scared. I am scared to be here and I am scared that I am not going to fulfill this thing that I need to be fulfilling because it is a really big deal to be here, and when you do work like this, it matters what you say and how you act and whether or not I really believe and love the Jesus you say you do. It's the biggest test of faith, for me. To step up and rise to this challenge that has been presented to me, laid before me. I cannot do this on my own. I can't do anything on my own. But for whatever reason, I feel like I'm supposed to, and that's not really right, now is it?
Needless to say, I am still feeling a little under the weather and I'm tired and I'm homesick and so I'm sure that sets my emotions on high, which could affect why I had such a strange reaction. I always thought I would be so quick to jump in. But it's different here. I can't explain it. I am quick to feel uncomfortable and quick to cower and quick to hear the devil's voice and I am slow to see the truth and hear the quiet whisper of God. But I know that He is here. I know He is here like I know that I am here. I see him moving and breathing in the warriors that walk these streets in the name of God and in the name of Love. And these people are just people. Just bruised and broken masterpieces**. Just boys who just need to fulfill the need to be loved, to be worthy, used, and good. It's a need that exists in all of us. And when you think about it like that, it's really not that scary, right?
I'll end it with this, because it's making real sense to me lately: My last Sunday night youth group thing in California, we had a worship night/prayer time. I took a walk outside. I remember I was feeling very scared and very heartbroken because I was getting ready to leave and because I was going to miss my friends and so I cried. It was windy outside, and I like the wind because it feels like God's breath all around me. I remember telling God that I wasn't ready to go to Africa, that I couldn't do anything like this because generally mess up everything I set out to do, and because I am small and because I am only one person and because I talk a lot about being faithful and loving, but I am not sure if I am these things. I remember saying, "I can't.. I can't.. I can't." I used to say those words all the time, when I felt Satan controlling my soul. Those are the words of the unfaithful. I remember my soul being loud and my brain not really being very helpful, only saying things that were not good for me. But I felt the breath of God in the wind and I heard His voice. And he said, "you can because I can." (I think it's silly to type out what God says. Little letters trying to live up to the words of God... that's funny.) So there it is. I can do this not because of my own strength. Not because someone said it would be fun. Not because I'm not good at anything else. I can do this because God can do this. And me and God are a pretty good team, I think. Mostly because of God. He is like David Beckham and I am like... the poo on the soccer field or something. I'm pretty useless. I kind of just run back and forth. God scores all the goals.
But I'm here. And that's enough for now. I'm going to go take a nap because I'm still feeling pretty sick, but I'm on antibiotics now. At least I don't have TB or something. :)
Oh, and I would also like to say that I miss milk/juice that have the easy-pour spout things. Here, we have to cut a flap in the boxes that our liquids come in. This creates sort of a "glug-glug" thing that sometimes makes the liquid go places it shouldn't go and it makes me sad, because all I wanted was milk on my cereal and juice in the cup and not on the counter or my shoes or my clean shirt. So enjoy that common luxury, America. I'll look forward to it when I come home. :)
love and miss you all dearly. (95 degrees in Sacramento.. SUCKAAAASSSS!)
**"Economy of Mercy" by Switchfoot
20.04.2009
Well, I'm officially homesick. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it.
I think it was looking at the pictures of the anniversary party that did it. I thought I was going to be able to hold out longer.. I've only been gone a week.
I think this means that I have to not go on facebook as much. I have to separate myself. I know that God wants me here. I know that God doesn't want me wishing I was somewhere else. There is too much to be done here and there is too big of a purpose. I feel it deep within me.
So... we will see. Be well, my friends. I love and miss you all.
p.s. thank you for all your prayers. i am feeling much better. not out of the woods yet, but a definite improvement. i just need a little more rest. :)
I think it was looking at the pictures of the anniversary party that did it. I thought I was going to be able to hold out longer.. I've only been gone a week.
I think this means that I have to not go on facebook as much. I have to separate myself. I know that God wants me here. I know that God doesn't want me wishing I was somewhere else. There is too much to be done here and there is too big of a purpose. I feel it deep within me.
So... we will see. Be well, my friends. I love and miss you all.
p.s. thank you for all your prayers. i am feeling much better. not out of the woods yet, but a definite improvement. i just need a little more rest. :)
19.04.2009
Hi Everyone!
I'm trying to write as often as I can. I don't know how boring it will be, but we will try. Right now I am at home with Paul and we are watching James and the Giant Peach. We made pizza. It feels kind of like home. Except there is a guard that walks around outside, and if I am quiet enough, I can hear lions growling. Seriously.
Yesterday I took my first tour of Agape. For those of you who do not know, Agape is a home/school for street boys here in Kisumu. Kisumu is the 2nd or 3rd most populated town in Africa. Nairobi is the most populated with something like 3 million people. I think there are two major slums here in Kisumu, and one of them is right down the street from the house. They are "houses" packed closely together with tin roofs and garbage everywhere and more people than I would ever like to see in an ordinary neighborhood. I think you should visit Kenya if you get an opportunity. It's beautiful and green. But it will break your heart.
Anyway, I was at Agape for most of the morning yesterday, meeting the staff and some of the boys. It almost seems tired to type about it, because I feel like everyone has seen the tv commercials with the little children looking sadly at the camera and the old white guy asking for money. It's like that. Only I'm not an old guy asking for money.
One of the major things that I'm learning is how difficult it is to keep the kids in the home. Most of the boys that come in are addicted to glue and sex and stealing and fighting. They are like the convicts back home except they are 8 years old. They come to Agape to get healthy, but they leave because they are addicted to the street life. And with the political catastrophe that has occurred in the past couple of years, the poverty here has gotten worse. Homes were trashed, burned, and broken into because of your tribe. Because of where you lived. It's the worst kind of prejudice. Karen pointed out that it has absolutely nothing to do with skin color. Luckily, it has subsided some. I pray it stays this way.
(On a side note, I would like to say that there is a prime minister AND a president of Kenya. Neither of the candidates would give, so they both became leaders and they still don't agree on anything. Now I know part of why this country is in such rough shape.)
Anyway, the missionary life is tough. It requires flexibility and strength and you have to be a warrior like Jesus all the time, because they need it here. I feel and see evil stirring all over and there is such a need for hope and love and truth. So keep us all in your prayers.
Thanks. Love, love, love you all,
Riss
I'm trying to write as often as I can. I don't know how boring it will be, but we will try. Right now I am at home with Paul and we are watching James and the Giant Peach. We made pizza. It feels kind of like home. Except there is a guard that walks around outside, and if I am quiet enough, I can hear lions growling. Seriously.
Yesterday I took my first tour of Agape. For those of you who do not know, Agape is a home/school for street boys here in Kisumu. Kisumu is the 2nd or 3rd most populated town in Africa. Nairobi is the most populated with something like 3 million people. I think there are two major slums here in Kisumu, and one of them is right down the street from the house. They are "houses" packed closely together with tin roofs and garbage everywhere and more people than I would ever like to see in an ordinary neighborhood. I think you should visit Kenya if you get an opportunity. It's beautiful and green. But it will break your heart.
Anyway, I was at Agape for most of the morning yesterday, meeting the staff and some of the boys. It almost seems tired to type about it, because I feel like everyone has seen the tv commercials with the little children looking sadly at the camera and the old white guy asking for money. It's like that. Only I'm not an old guy asking for money.
One of the major things that I'm learning is how difficult it is to keep the kids in the home. Most of the boys that come in are addicted to glue and sex and stealing and fighting. They are like the convicts back home except they are 8 years old. They come to Agape to get healthy, but they leave because they are addicted to the street life. And with the political catastrophe that has occurred in the past couple of years, the poverty here has gotten worse. Homes were trashed, burned, and broken into because of your tribe. Because of where you lived. It's the worst kind of prejudice. Karen pointed out that it has absolutely nothing to do with skin color. Luckily, it has subsided some. I pray it stays this way.
(On a side note, I would like to say that there is a prime minister AND a president of Kenya. Neither of the candidates would give, so they both became leaders and they still don't agree on anything. Now I know part of why this country is in such rough shape.)
Anyway, the missionary life is tough. It requires flexibility and strength and you have to be a warrior like Jesus all the time, because they need it here. I feel and see evil stirring all over and there is such a need for hope and love and truth. So keep us all in your prayers.
Thanks. Love, love, love you all,
Riss
18 April 2009
I'm in Kisumu!
hey-oh!
I am starting my first full day in Kisumu, Kenya. The humidity here is crazy.. my hair and I are having some serious problems. haha. I'm actually in Mike's office right now at Agape while Mike and Karen are in a meeting with Levins. I am trying to remember everyone's names, but it's hard because my brain is on California time and also I am sick.
Actually, if you get a sec, could you say a prayer that my ears don't fall off? I think they might be infected. Seriously. I think I need to see the nurse sometime soon. My chest/throat/nose/ears are all congested. I would like to feel better, pronto.
Things are really different here. For one thing, the water situation is tricky. I'm learning a lot about the government, and how spoiled they are for how starving the nation is. I would also like to write in regards to a certain someone who thinks that he is smarter than me and is always trying to tell me what to do (I won't say who, but I enjoy the small moments when I am right and he is not) that you cannot drink the water here. Part of the reason that people are SO sick around here is because of the water. There are parasite and bacteria and even the natives get sick from drinking/swimming/bathing in it. So if you are wondering whether or not I should just drink it and get sick and move on all immune to it, you would be wrong. I would get stomach infections and parasites would live in my body and i would come back to america looking like Cher with all of her botox injections. No offense, Cher.
This is why i am going to salute people like Cori Ashley who are working for a cause like blood:water mission. Ask her about it and donate to her cause. Places like that are working on giving third world countries cleaner water. Cleaner water means healthier people. it's giving people a chance at a healthier, better, more successful life. i don't want to drink green water, thanks.
I also would just like to say that here in Kisumu, there is no shame in two grown men riding on a bicycle/motorcycle together. It makes me laugh everytime.
And you should all be stoked to meet Paul. He OWNS AT LIFE. Don't tell him i said that, though.
Love and miss you all. I'll try to write as much as I can. Please say some prayers. Being a missionary is much, much, much harder than I thought it w
I am starting my first full day in Kisumu, Kenya. The humidity here is crazy.. my hair and I are having some serious problems. haha. I'm actually in Mike's office right now at Agape while Mike and Karen are in a meeting with Levins. I am trying to remember everyone's names, but it's hard because my brain is on California time and also I am sick.
Actually, if you get a sec, could you say a prayer that my ears don't fall off? I think they might be infected. Seriously. I think I need to see the nurse sometime soon. My chest/throat/nose/ears are all congested. I would like to feel better, pronto.
Things are really different here. For one thing, the water situation is tricky. I'm learning a lot about the government, and how spoiled they are for how starving the nation is. I would also like to write in regards to a certain someone who thinks that he is smarter than me and is always trying to tell me what to do (I won't say who, but I enjoy the small moments when I am right and he is not) that you cannot drink the water here. Part of the reason that people are SO sick around here is because of the water. There are parasite and bacteria and even the natives get sick from drinking/swimming/bathing in it. So if you are wondering whether or not I should just drink it and get sick and move on all immune to it, you would be wrong. I would get stomach infections and parasites would live in my body and i would come back to america looking like Cher with all of her botox injections. No offense, Cher.
This is why i am going to salute people like Cori Ashley who are working for a cause like blood:water mission. Ask her about it and donate to her cause. Places like that are working on giving third world countries cleaner water. Cleaner water means healthier people. it's giving people a chance at a healthier, better, more successful life. i don't want to drink green water, thanks.
I also would just like to say that here in Kisumu, there is no shame in two grown men riding on a bicycle/motorcycle together. It makes me laugh everytime.
And you should all be stoked to meet Paul. He OWNS AT LIFE. Don't tell him i said that, though.
Love and miss you all. I'll try to write as much as I can. Please say some prayers. Being a missionary is much, much, much harder than I thought it w
Day 1.
Some thoughts on the day(s).
1. I sleep better in airports than on airplanes.
2. I got kicked off the subway in London. Luckily, the stop was only a few miles from the airport. And London is beautiful. I didn't mind much.
3. I am so, so, so stoked to be here. I can't even explain it.
4. Traffic lanes don't mean much here. For example, we were driving from the airport on a 3 (4 at the most) lane highway that was packed 5 lanes wide. it makes me laugh a little.
5. I have a sick voice today. Mostly because I am sick. Hooray, immune system.
6. JET LAG SUCKS. I had to go to bed at 5:30 pm last night. And that was after several naps during the day. And I'm still exhausted.
7. Nairobi is really, really cool. They have malls and coffee shops and clothing stores. And there are people of all kinds of races. The roads are different, and there are tons of people that walk on the sides of the roads. There is such an energy here. I like it.
8. Giraffes slobber a lot. And they can run fast. And they are HUGE.
9. Elephants are hairier than I thought they would be.
10. Baby rhinos are cute.
11. I cannot wait to see what else God has for us here. This is the coolest thing ever. Seriously.
1. I sleep better in airports than on airplanes.
2. I got kicked off the subway in London. Luckily, the stop was only a few miles from the airport. And London is beautiful. I didn't mind much.
3. I am so, so, so stoked to be here. I can't even explain it.
4. Traffic lanes don't mean much here. For example, we were driving from the airport on a 3 (4 at the most) lane highway that was packed 5 lanes wide. it makes me laugh a little.
5. I have a sick voice today. Mostly because I am sick. Hooray, immune system.
6. JET LAG SUCKS. I had to go to bed at 5:30 pm last night. And that was after several naps during the day. And I'm still exhausted.
7. Nairobi is really, really cool. They have malls and coffee shops and clothing stores. And there are people of all kinds of races. The roads are different, and there are tons of people that walk on the sides of the roads. There is such an energy here. I like it.
8. Giraffes slobber a lot. And they can run fast. And they are HUGE.
9. Elephants are hairier than I thought they would be.
10. Baby rhinos are cute.
11. I cannot wait to see what else God has for us here. This is the coolest thing ever. Seriously.
23 March 2009
3 weeks to go!
Hiyo!
I'm leaving three weeks from today... can you believe it? I can't... it all seems so unreal.
I got my yellow fever vaccine today. No one told me it would hurt as much as it did. But if it keeps me alive, then it's all good.
I guess I will write more later. Bye!
I'm leaving three weeks from today... can you believe it? I can't... it all seems so unreal.
I got my yellow fever vaccine today. No one told me it would hurt as much as it did. But if it keeps me alive, then it's all good.
I guess I will write more later. Bye!
04 March 2009
T Minus 40 days.
Hello, all! I've decided to blog about my journey to Africa, so if you want regular updates, this is the place to check! I'll try to post pictures, and write as often as I can. Thanks so much for all of your love and encouragement and support.
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